Disagreeing Agreeably

I like to argue. This may reflect a personal shortcoming or psychological defect of some sort, but at this point in life, I view it as a way that I manifest my desire to engage people, while in the process learning more about them and other ways of viewing an issue. I sometimes will argue a position that I’m not sure I agree with, just as an exercise in feeling it out and seeing where it goes (or where I can take it). And of course, sometimes I just argue the opposite of whatever the other person said, just to be contrary.

There are certain types of unpleasant arguments I am not referencing here – such as “Argument with Spouse Regarding Whose Turn It Is To ____”. The rest are, in the main, enjoyable, providing everyone involved plays nice. No personal attacks (unless they are really intended as humor), no being mean (ditto), fundamentally respecting everyone’s right to whatever dumbass opinion they choose to have. As this guy says:

Disagreement has to be good-humored. The alternative is it gets ugly, and that’s unfortunate. Quite often people don’t discuss anything because they’re afraid of offending—or if they do discuss something, they’re screaming.

You can’t have fun if people are screaming at each other, much less actually come to an agreement (when there is purpose to the exchange beyond simple enjoyment).

When I was in college, I was a member of an extemporaneous debate society that attracts highly-opinionated students with widely-varied opinions. The main thing I learned there – other than how to do off-the-cuff public speaking – was how to be friends (or at least friendly) with people whose opinions I find silly, wrong or even downright repugnant. This lesson came in handy when I was working at the Texas Legislature many years later. In addition to making differences easier to work through, being friends or friendly with your opponents is good for one’s overall happiness. Think about it – doesn’t it make you less happy if you have to spend time with people you don’t get along with? Life is simply too short not to try to enjoy the people you meet. Granted, just as the Utne Reader interview notes, there is a line beyond which it just isn’t possible. But the vast majority of people fall well inside that line, in my experience.

The bonus is, the more people you get along with regardless of differences of opinion, the more people you have to carry on with over drinks. Also, the more people who will link to your blog rather than (or at least, in addition to) hurling curses at you.